Wednesday, November 23, 2011

hello.

I am displeased and frustrated with the way my life is progressing.
I'm so in love with Jamie (That is his code name, FYI) he is SO PERFECT
I CANNOT EVEN EXPLAIN IN WORDS HOW MUCH I LOVE HIM.
I don't know if he realizes. Probably not. cool.
My heart hurts.
I'm only at 17k with my novel.
My voice is dead from throwing up.
TOMORROW IS THANKSGIVING.
too much food and family time.. two things I have a love-hate relationship with.
I haven't eaten all day.
Tonight I'll probably inhale all of the food that is here and then throw it all up. cool.
Again, displeased and frustrated with the way my life is progressing.


LOL
I need control

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

this song is relavant

If you knew that you would die today
 If you saw the face of God and love
Would you change?
Would you change?
If you knew that love can't break your heart
When you're down so low you cannot fall
Would you change
would you change?
How bad how good does it need to get?
How many losses how much regret?
What chain reaction
What cause and effect
Makes you turn around
Makes you try to explain
Makes you forgive and forget
Makes you change, Makes you change
If you knew that you could be alone
Knowing right being wrong
Would you change? Would you change?
If you knew that you would find a truth
That brings a pain that can't be soothed
Would you change would you change?
How bad how good does it need to get?
 How many losses how much regret?
What chain reaction,: What cause and effect
 Makes you turn around
Makes you try to explain
Makes you forgive and forget
Makes you change Makes you change
Are you so upright you can't be bent if it comes to blows
Are you so sure you won't be crawling
 If not for the good why risk falling
Why risk falling
If everything you think you know
 Makes your life unbearable
Would you change? Would you change?
If you'd broken every rule and vow
 And hard times come to bring you down
Would you change? Would you change?
If you knew that you would die today
If you saw the face of God and love
Would you change? Would you change?
If you saw the face of God and love
If you saw the face of God and love
Would you change? Would you change?

-Tracy Chapman

Saturday, November 19, 2011

i suck

so. I'm pathetic.
I made myself throw up again for the first time in seven weeks. fuck.
i don't want to eat anything food sounds terrible.
I cut myself a little. not enough to really count but still the point is that I'm a failure.
Also my boyfriend is being stupid about this whole self destruction thing.
and I definitely fell hard FOR ANOTHER GUY even though I have a boyfriend. I'm such a slut -_-
but the new guy is so fabulous ):
He knows the difference between your and you're, writes things, and plays guitar, can do a mean British accent and told me I look lovely.
my boyfriend doesn't do those things and he just calls me hot.
suefygerilguyer.
i hate everything
especially me.
I'm so dumb and melodramatic
I WISH I WAS NORMAL
I'M SO FUCKED UP.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

lack of posting oops sfyhs

Here is some hot lesbian sex, an excerpt from my novel. hasn't been edited yet

I run my hands through her dark, radiant hair; feeling like smooth strands of mahogany silk between my fingertips. I carefully move down her precious neck and shoulders, as if to not break her fragile bones. I rest my light hands on the small of her back, she is warm. I move my head towards her ear, my own platinum hair falling dramatically over my deep set jade eyes. I put my lips to her ear, and whisper her name gently:
“Naomi.”         
            I move my lips down some back to her neck and bit down; lightly, sweetly. Naomi let out a barely audible whimper and I could feel her thick hips gyrating against me.
“Do you want me?”
 I whisper faintly to her once more.
            She makes another noise, this time louder, as she looks up at me, caressing me with her striking, melted chocolate eyes. She nods her head, her hair spilling onto her shimmering face. I put my hand to her chest and remain still for a moment, feeling Naomi’s heart pounding, pounding, pounding to the same exact steady rhythm as mine. I breathe out, my breath wafting over her chest. She shivers and grabs my chin, and every so tenderly pulls me up so I am facing her.
            Now it is Naomi, my sweet love, who is in a dominant position. This time, it is she who puts her candy coated lips to my ear and whispers with as much passion and lust as allowed in an innocent whisper:
“Make love to me.”
            I nearly come right then and there; but instead I lean up and press my lips against Naomi’s as if to say, ‘of course I will.’ She must interpret my kiss correctly; she kissed me, too, giving me right back my own fiery enthusiasm.
            I kiss her again, fiercer this time, and I run my tongue over the inside of her smooth, full lips, then back over her teeth. I feel her shudder against me and pull me tighter as she explores within the warm depths of my mouth with her own delicate, sweet tongue.
            We push each our teeth and our moist tongues in an out of each other’s mouth’s for a moment, then I pull away to breathe. I make contact with Naomi’s eyes, full of longing. Instead of putting my lips back to hers, I move down to her neck and kiss her gently. Then, down to her collarbone. I grip her tender breasts and kiss both of them kindly, licking my lips. I then progress down further; Naomi grips me tighter still as I kiss the curve of her belly up and down. I move my hands downward and grab her full hips in my hands, kissing her on her hipbones. I breathe over her hips and travel down lower until I reach my destination. My petite hands graze over the top of her thighs and move right into the space between them. I move closer and inhale deeply. I kiss her there. I feel her tremble, she lets out a moan.
            I kiss her there once more, the same reaction. I begin to make love to her there as I was just making love to her lips moments before, her moans growing increasingly louder and deeper with each and every tender movement I make. I continue on; Naomi quivers with pleasure and joy of the love I am making to her sweet, sweet, body. I keep moving my mouth just the way I know she wants me to: slower, then gradually picking up speed until I am going as fast as I can, and then slowing down again to the pace I began with. Naomi and I are both incessantly moaning now, and her and I both begin to climax at once, screaming with undeniable bliss as we orgasm together.
             I travel up to Naomi’s face and kiss her sweetly. She smiles her kind smile that first made me fall so hard for her.
“I love you.” I murmur to her.
“ I love you too,  Ava.”