Also!

I failed to mention that I'm going up north next week!!! We're leaving on Sunday! We're staying in a little cottage on a beach about 3 hours from here. "We" being my Grandma, my mom, my sister, my uncle, my aunt, my great grandpa and I. I'm going to take zillions of pictures and I will post them along with all of my adventures that I go on! : )

I'm pretty sure the name of the beach is "Hope." Pretty coincidental with what we're all going through in my family right now.

Here We Go Again..

My dad got home from work yesterday, sunburned and exhausted, as usual. He went into the fridge and he started to shout at me for not eating something that he could've taken in his lunch. I thought it was a little odd, but thought nothing of it.
When my mom got home from work, he said something to her and all of a sudden was telling her to shut the eff up because he was a grown ass man and he can do whatever the eff he wants to, and blah blah blah. Suddenly I put two and two together and I realized, oh my god I bet he relapsed.
Before I knew what was happening, my mom, my little sister and I were flying down the freeway on the way to grammy's house.
Grammy's house is now my house. We're all done with the hurting. We decided he needs to get his shit together, and he needs to make some decisions by himself. We don't need to be around for him to walk all over us in the meantime.
So, everything is official, I'm going to register in the lovely school district of The Promised Land where my grandmother lives. (Plus, my therapist's office is right downtown-- How convenient!) We were moving out of our house anyway, we were house hunting with my dad. So he has to be out of our old house by October, anyway. So, he kind of screwed himself on this one.
Someone said to me, "Wow, that sucks. I kind of feel bad for him." You know what I said? I disagree with you. I used to feel sorry for the man everyday. I'd look at him and I could see he was just miserable, I would be too. He hated his life, his family hated him, he was caught in the downward spiral of addiction. But he received a gift. He went into treatment, ($1000 A DAY treatment, mind you.) he was given the tools he needed to restart. He had his new beginning, his second chance.We all took him in with open arms and forgave him for all the pain he has caused us in the past, and decided to learn to love him sober, his real self. And he threw it all away. So you know what? I'm damn tired of feeling sorry for him. He was given the best tools, he was given more support than anyone could ask for. He had an opportunity for a better, happier, healthier life. Clean and Sober. With a wife and children. And he trashed it. So I'm done feeling bad for him. I have bigger, better things to concern myself with and I will not stoop to his level anymore.
It's upsetting, because he is truly a good man, and a decent father.. Sober. I was beginning to respect and love him again. I guess I should've know better, huh?
All in all, this move is for the best. I'm stressing out, but, it is a healthy decision for all of us.
A big downside is, I won't be able to blog until we get the computer moved in and the Internet up and running, which might not be until the middle of August! :( 
I'll miss all my favorite blogs and followers.. Don't forget about me, I'll be back before you know it!

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”

(:

Day Number Twelve

Name things you do every day.

1. Shower.
2. Drink water.
3. Text :O
4. Smile

                                 I lead a pretty average life, haha. Nothing crazy! 

Men, men, men, men. Manly men men men

         "A boy is a noise with some dirt on it."

    Sometimes I wish I were a boy. You can roll around in the mud and mom won't yell over the stain. You wouldn't have to worry about the calories you packed on during your midnight ice cream binge, and if you were, you'd work it off "playing ball with the guys" anyway, no worries. If you were "stretching the truth" to impress a girl, at least you get a few kisses out of it. Girls go to crazy lengths to impress other girls and all we get is back stabbed. Sometimes I just want to hang around in my underwear all day and have it be acceptable. I'd like to be able to cuss my brains out and not be told it's "unladylike" and "a turnoff." Plus, a guy will just punch you if he has a problem. How much easier would that be than the stupid, prissy games girls try to play?  The only thing I think I would miss is being able to blame PMS when I'm crabby. You know what, scratch that, not having PMS at all would be worth it.

(P.S. my friend Val works at Big Boy! It's funny, because Val is usually the one to tell me to "act like a lady!" That's the reason I used the Big Boy boy.♥)

Day #11

What can you not live without?

Well, other than the obvious things (e.g. food, water, shelter, clothing) I'd say I'd have a pretty rough time living without paper and something to write with. Creating is sort of my life. I have so many ideas in my head that if I didn't have a way to get them out I think I would most likely explode.

BOOM.

Day 10

What article of clothing do you wear the most?

The ever-controversial fashion item: Skinny jeans!♥

In Washington D.C.

Partying like a rock star?

Homecoming float♥ With momma bear.

With Katelyn

With Santa!

When my walls were pink and plastered with posters.

Before a talent show with Katelyn

With Vermigs (:

Preforming in a talent show

First day of school!

HEY!♥

I just caught a bug in my hand, and I opened my hand and it was still alive and flew away. So the fluttery little fella is still flapping around the room. >:|

I'm not a miserable person, I'm truly not. I seem like I am on this blog, though. I ought to work on that.

I'm so glad I'm not a vegan, they can't eat ANYTHING! A woman my mom works with asked me to make her delicious vegan cookies and I am in awe that so many foods are not vegan-friendly! It's going to be a challenge. I'll let you know how they turn out. Baking is my favorite.

This post is really about nothing. :D That's okay. I'm down.

I'm going to go drink some tea and watch Intervention all night, bye♥




♥



"If you want to fly, you have to give up the things that weigh you down."

Day #9

My favorite quote, and how it relates to my life.

"When there are no enemies within, the

enemies outside cannot hurt you."

If you read my blog you probably could make a pretty good assumption as to why this quote is something I connect with. This is my favorite quote because when I'm having a rough time with my self esteem or with anything, really, And I'm just thinking, "Wow, Lynch, you are such an idiot." or "Wow, you are so ugly." Or like, "Geez, everyone hates you, did you hear what she said?" I just remember that if I love myself first than I won't have as many problems, and the things people say that bother me won't hurt because I am content with who I am.

♥♥

Day Number Eightt

If I had to live off of one food and beverage for the whole rest of my life...

Beverage I'd pick water. Water is my favorite. Plus, you can make other beverages with water (Tea, lemonade, Kool-aid, etc.) I found a loop hole haha! I win!
I don't know what kind of food I'd choose. Maybe hamburgers. Or lasagna. Or sushi. MMM or red lobster biscuits. Can I pick a resturant instead, and only eat food from there? Olive Garden. Om nom nom nom nom.

A Dream Within A Dream♥

Take this kiss upon the brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow-
You are not wrong, who deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.

I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand-
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep- while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?

-Edgar Allen Poe

Day 7 :)

How old do you think you act?

I think that I act like a child: I learn new things everyday. I want to take over the world. I have big dreams. I like to learn. I don't take things seriously. I pretend.
Yet, sometimes I act like a typical teenager: I over react. I stress for no reason. I'm a perfectionist. I do things I shouldn't do even though I know I shouldn't do them. I cave under peer pressure.
And from some aspects I act like an adult: I take care of myself. I speak very well. I have good insight. I have mature ideas. I know right from wrong. I think for myself.

So I guess if I were to add those ages together.. I'd be like 50. Haha. That's something to think about.

These are a few of my favorite thiiings

Arts and crafts. Baking. Converse sneakers. Learning. Stories brought back from Alcoholics Anonymous. Colors.. Sunshine. Uno. Winning at Uno. Books. Playing doubles tennis with DJ. Useless facts. Fire hydrants. Kick ball. Air conditioning. Taking walks. Movies that make you think. Scattergories. Volleyball in the dark. Building sandcastles. Candles. When snow makes that "crunch" sound when you step on it with your boot. Making people laugh. Seashells. Iced capps from Tim Hortons. Baseball games. Beach volleyball. People who make my brain work when I talk to them. Sunglasses. New York. Grammar. Big dogs. Shampoo. Music. Flowers. Adjectives. "Volleyball season." Art. Black nail polish. Water. Reading poetry. Writing poetry. Minute Made frozen lemonade cups. The zoo. Skinny jeans. Those Swiffer mop things. Christmastime. Polka dots. Painting. Ms. Sleek. Alliterations. Homecoming. Carmel Frappes from McDonalds. Laughing. Flip flops. Red Lobster biscuits. Storms. Figurative language*. Thinking. Bubbles. Office supplies. Downtown Royal Oak. Student Government. Museums. Italian food. Reading. Fireworks. Roller coasters. Book stores. Subway eat fresh. The Nanny. Interesting people. My dogs. Fluffy pillows. Burts bees minty chapstick. Singing. Sleeping. Ticonderoga pencils. Blogging :). Helping. Clothes. Rocks. Paper clip necklaces. Race For The Cure. Underwear. Starbucks ice cream. Bonfires. Shoes. Putting new music on my ipod. Photo booth. Meeting new people. Clever commericals. Wreaking havoc when I go to work with my mom. Makeup. Big breakfasts. Smores. Things that are shaped like hearts.

DAY SIX

If I could live anywhere in the world...
I'd choose New York City. It's beautiful, and it's like no where else. There is so much history there, and so much to see and learn and it's just a city to embrace your life in.

The picture on the top of my blog is of NYC. Because I love it there♥

I picked a picture with Lady Liberty in it on purpose... Happy Fourth (:

I need coffee

If one cigarette takes off 7 minutes of your life when you smoke it
How many do I need to smoke to kill me tonight?



O_o

4-19-10

Be quiet, be quiet

they whisper.

Fifteen more minutes until we're out of here.

You grab my hand and

Sing to me a sweet secret in my ear

My favorite time of the day

Not because we're almost out, like I say

Because I am with you

The only reason that I come.

We can sit

And talk

And wrestle with thumbs

I'm in love with you

and then some.

<3

Day 5

Do I read?

I LOVE TO READ!
I'm in love with the Harry Potter series,♥♥♥ (Just thinking about Deathly Hallows: Part  Two makes me want to jump for joy! ONLY 16 MORE DAYS.)
And I loveeee Ellen Hopkins books.
And the Twilight Saga, of course!
I love the book Willow by Julia Hoban.
I'd say my favorite book is It's Kind of a Funny Story by Ned Vizzini.

Reading is my favorite, deffinetly.

♥ I'm a Pot-head. HAHA! Get the joke?

Day #4

Hmmmm 5 things from my wishlist?!


1.) A laptop :(((

2.) New clothes♥♥

3.) One of those really nice (expensive) cameras

4.) Makeuppp

                                                                                      5.) Some friends .

Let's talk about it!

Just thought I should make it known that Curling is not a sport. It's pushing a rock with a broom. Not a sport, in any way :D



Curling hair is more of a sport.



We Did a Bullying Unit .

We walk a fragile line
A lopsided line within our heads
The Mean Girls thought they were just fine
Until they saw their victim dead.
They say that they aren't killers
Even though the girl is gone
We have no fingerprints, no evidence
So we can't prove them wrong.
She was barely in high school, she was only 15.
The bullies were ruthless, angry and mean.
She took her own life, January 14th.
So much left of the world they didnt let her see.
After a long day, she hung herself up by her neck.
This kind of tragedy has happened every day since.
Now the bullies are living a life of regret
Because they couldn't stop bullying
Until they killed Phoebe Prince.

4-20-10

Warm, bright, round.
Never makes a single sound
But somehow manages to make itself heard
In love with the clouds, best friends with the birds
Knows its way up
and of course, the way down
Shiny, perfect, deep.
Represents all life
Without itself, knowing how to breathe.
A great pit of fire,
There in the sky
The heart of all passion,
Up who knows how high
Energizing, unrealistic, fun
Its life has only just begun
We've learned it's old
But it seems so young!
It makes the world a better place to love.
If I could live on fantasy
I would live and breathe and be
The sun
♥

6-27-10

I'm finally just glad
Sitting in this rain
Without an ex boyfriend or a dad
To cost me blood and pain
You really make me happy
And I just don't know what to do
This is the realest love
This whole time, I saw right through
But all that matters is I'm here now
Here, standing next to you
I thought I needed something new
When really, truly
All along what I needed was right here
In front of me
The two of us
Feel like a dream
A dream that is the realest thing
Finally, oh finally.
I can dream my happy dream

<3

Happy Summer (:

I found a load of old poetry that I've written, I think I'll post some of it up here.
I made a rainbow cake, it's lovely!
Does anyone see anything I post? O_o
I feel like I'm just talking to myself. So feel free to let me know if you're reading this! :D

There is a thunderstorm going down where I live.

"When there are no enemies within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you."

Day 3

If I had to choose a time period to be born in..
1960s. Without a second thought♥
Everyone just had sex and did drugs and people were who they were then. I think it's intriguing how different society is now. Plus, the music is awesome.♥♥

♥

when do I get better?

Yesterday I did something bad
According to the world
Blood on the floor, endorphins gone mad
That was where my story began to unfurl
A blade through my vein
Is my one luscious sin
All my questions, all my pain
On every square inch of my skin
Angelic crimson daisies creep across my flesh
I watch them move so stealthily
Putting my tolerance to the test
So the doctor diagnosed me as "calling out for help"
When someone finally stumbled upon my flower bed of shame
I'm just trying to drown these demons that they've sent me straight from hell
I do not need assistance in playing my own games.

So this is where I've ended up

On a couch with some foreign stranger

Listening to her pitifully preach about

My razors and their dangers

She tells me, "Be open to your feelings."

That only drives me more insane.

It doesn't stop my thoughts from reeling

It doesn't fix my broken brain

I've never told her that I simply want to be somebody else

She'd calmly tell me that with time these teenage things will fade

I still just don't see what is so wrong

With acting on my impulse

And dancing with the blade.

Day 2

The band or musician most important to me.

Taylor Swift♥

Her music is so close to my heart. I've cried to her music, laughed to her music, sang to her music, made friends over her music. Her songs are playing in the background of some of my most cherished memories. Sometimes her songs are such a perfect description of my life sometimes that I feel like she had to have been looking over my shoulder through all my ups and downs. Her music has been with me through a lot of rough shit. She inspires me to follow my heart and stay true to myself.

"To me, “FEARLESS” is not the absence of fear. It’s not being completely unafraid. To me, FEARLESS is having fears. FEARLESS is having doubts. Lots of them. To me, FEARLESS is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. FEARLESS is falling madly in love again, even though you’ve been hurt before. FEARLESS is walking into your freshmen year of high school at fifteen. FEARLESS is getting back up and fighting for what you want over and over again… even though every time you’ve tried before, you’ve lost. It’s FEARLESS to have faith that someday things will change. FEARLESS is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you, even if you can’t breathe without them. I think it’s FEARLESS to fall for your best friend, even though he’s in love with someone else. And when someone apologizes to you enough times for things they’ll never stop doing, I think it’s FEARLESS to stop believing them. It’s FEARLESS to say “you’re NOT sorry”, and walk away. I think loving someone despite what people think is FEARLESS. I think allowing yourself to cry on the bathroom floor is FEARLESS. Letting go is FEARLESS. Then, moving on and being alright…That’sFEARLESS too. But no matter what love throws at you, you have to believe in it. You have to believe in love stories and prince charmings and happily ever after. That’s why I write these songs. Because I think love is FEARLESS."

I'm caught up in you

"I know what it's like to want to die, how it hurts to smile, how you try to fit in but you can't, how you hurt yourself on the outside, to try to kill the pain in the inside."

 

A rare day that I feel pretty makes me hate myself even more. Sigh.

School is finally over, that's nice. 

My therapist thinks that everything is great. I don't know why I fake so much shit around her, I didn't even mean to.

My posts are so mood swingy, sometimes they are really ecstatic, and sometimes they are really depressed and glum.. I don't know.

Day 1

ahhhh, religion.

Personally, I'm still figuring things out. As of right now, I worship the sun. Christian folks often say, why worship a creation and not a creator? Because there is no evidence of the creator. I can see the sun, feel the sun, there are logical facts about the sun. Another thing about Christianity that bothers me is this "God's plan" business. If God planned for all these horrid things to happen, then he must have a couple of screws loose in his head. When some people hear "horrid things" they think the Holocaust, slavery, 9-11. A Christian would tell you, "Well, all those things ended, didn't they? That was God's work." But what about problems that never end? Hate crime. Theft. Drugs. Low self esteem. Alcohol. Eating disorders. Self mutilation. Murder. Suicide. Those things don't ever, EVER end. So, Christian. How come your God hasn't saved me from those things? One more thing I am hung up on is that supposedly, God isn't discriminatory. And yet, it says IN THE BIBLE, that those who don't believe in God will be damned to hell. If that isn't discrimination, I don't know what is.
I could go on and on about this. I really could. I'll stop for now. I wish I could believe in God or the Bible. But this is what I stand for, and no one has been able to move me otherwise.

"The difference between a Christian and an Atheist is that a Christian won't rob a bank because he thinks he will go to hell and God will not love him. An Atheist doesn't rob the bank because it's a dick thing to do."

My titles are never relavent to my posts.

I HATE FINALS. My geometry final was horrible, I guessed on literally 75% of it. My teacher is such a fucktard, no one knew anything on that test. I'm so glad I never have to have him again.
My chemistry final is tomorrow, there is so much on there that I don't understand. Ugh ugh ugh.
Oh, Honors classes. So silly.

I love love love my gay tennis coach♥♥ He is so cute. He said if we were doing awards, I would have won most enthusiastic. It's just cause I am so bad at tennis that I get excited and pee everywhere if i make a good shot, because it happens rarely. He used the word "Jubilant." He has such a large vocabulary! I makes me jealous. Ahh I heart gay men.

www.faceinhole.com =love

Spongebob is my English teacher. She wasn't ready but I took
 the picture anyway. She is my favorite!

"Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely
ridiculous than absolutely boring."

:)

1.) What is your stance on religion? Would you affiliate yourself with any?
2.) What band/musician is most important to you? Explain why.
3.) you could chose a time period to be born in, which one would it be and why?
4.) Name five things from your wish list.
5.) Do you read? If so, what are your three favorite books and why?
6.) If you could live anywhere, where would you live and why?
7.) How old do you think you act? Explain.
8.) If you could only live off of one food and one beverage for the rest of your days, what would they be?
9.) What is your favorite quote? How does it relate to your life?
10.) What item of clothing do you wear the most?
11.) What can you not live without?
12.) Name things that you do every day.
13.) Who is someone you admire? Why?
14.) If the world were to end tomorrow, what would you do with your remaining time on earth?
15.) What do you want to be when you get older? Why did you choose it?
16.) If you could meet anyone, living or dead, who would it be? What would you say to them or ask them?
17.) What is your favorite film?
18.) Would you consider yourself an optimist or a realist? Why?
19.) do you want children? Why or why not?
20.) What subject did you exceed in at school?
21.) How attractive do you consider yourself?
22.) Would you rather date someone plain with an amazing personality or someone beautiful with a plain personality?
23.) Choose two: mentally stable, intelligent, attractive. Explain why you chose those two.
24.)What do you prefer: film or television? Why?
25.) If you could choose to live forever, would you? Why or why not?
26.) Do you wish for anything at 11:11? If so, what do you wish for? Has anything ever come true?
27.) What do you imagine your life like at age fifty?
28.) Have you ever been in love?
29.) What does your name mean? Why were you given your name?

Public Bathrooms Gross Me Out.

I hate when people complain about their lives and make people pity them. We all come from some level of dysfunction, if everyone was trying to make everyone else feel sorry for them, we'd live in a pretty miserable place.

I also hate when people judge others because they only know one bad thing about the, and don't bother to hear them out or listen to their story. Some people have no coping mechanisms, so they turn to something unhealthy to try and drown the problem. Nobody's perfect. It's never a good idea, but you can't personally call someone out on that, if you don't even know them, you don't know what they've seen.
Idiot.

I also hate people who take the easy way out. People who are just low lives, and have no class, no work ethic, no life or future ahead of them, no morals or ethics or beliefs or opinions or ideas or original thoughts. Like, what are you doing right now. Get your shit together. Time isn't meant for wasting.



"Wasn't it easier in your lunchbox days?
Always a bigger bed to crawl into.
Wasn't it beautiful, when you believed in everything?
And everybody believed in you.."



WHOAAAAAA

Soooo my dad is getting out of rehab tomorrow.
I haven't had time to get on here and keep you all updated due to my life being flipped around.
So, yeah. Two weeks ago tomorrow, my dad had a panic attack, and decided he had had enough of his own bullshit. So he checked himself into the #1 alcohol and drug rehab in the state. That happens to be almost an hour drive from where I live. Nice.
Everything is very clean there. And everyone has yellow hands from smoking so many cigarettes.
There were all kinds of people there.
There were teenagers, and old people, and black people, and white people, and Indian people, and fat people and skinny people, and nice people, and mean people.
There were people there who really looked like they needed to be there. Your stereotypical addicts, a bad attitude, and clothes that don't fit right and kind of a blank stare that makes you feel uncomfortable.
And then there were people who you never would have suspected in a million years had a substance abuse problem. They were just everyday people. (I mean, where I go to school, addicts and alcoholics are everyday people, but you get the gist of what I'm saying.)
Everyone has their story there.. Mostly sad ones.
This one woman lost two sons to drug overdoses, and her one son was a twin, and his twin (Her name is Sydney) also had a drug problem, so they checked her into rehab because that woman was NOT losing another kid. You can just hear the grief in her voice.
You can tell a lot of the people there are miserable.. those folks are the court ordered ones.
Court ordered like, "Either you can do 30 there, or 30 in the County Jail."
Holy shit. Everything is just a whirlwind.
It really has been a life changing experience.

DAMNITALL.

Okay so the make up challenge didnt work out, because I'm fat and ugly, and I don't need the living proof online for everyone to make fun of. So, yeah.

"Pray

You could somehow stop

the uncertainty, somehow

stop the loathing,

somehow stop the pain."

Dry Heaving Isn't My Favorite Activity.

I'm drowning in an abyss of red
These tentacles surround me.
I never want to leave this bed
So I can't remember what you won't allow me
Counting the cars as they pass by
Watching frozen raindrops fall
I want to run, I'm forced to hide
But when I confess, I'll lose it all.
I'm coasting through the sky so gray
I need something to help me.
Darkness, depression, won't go away
My thoughts always stray from healthy.
Please tell me that the end is near
Take me away from the bleeding.
Can't stop hurting, my mind won't clear
I'm done
I'm exhausted

I'm leaving.

Smile For Me.

So I'm making some new friends I really like lately, so that's nice. Too bad I'm moving away from all of them into The Promised Land in less than two months.
My mom threw me in therepy. The woman has an accent. So that's cool.
Tennis season is almost over :( we have one match left. I love everyone on the team, and I've been having such a good time, I don't want it to end.
I haven't done my homework yet.

"A friend is someone who knows you and loves you just the same."

 

Trying to pretend that I don't feel anything.

Dear Everyone:

I'm sorry I didn't turn out like I was supposed to.Things are going to get better now. I'm going to be courageous. I'm so scared. To everyone behind me: Thank you. To everyone who listened, who noticed, who cared: Thank you. To everyone who sees past the smile: Thank you. To everyone else: I don't need you anymore.

                                               -Meaghan

Crashing

I'm done. I'm so done.
I need the help I need the help I need the help.
I am scared of the world, of society, of the looks and the faces and the poking fun.
But tonight I scared myself.
I'm done betraying everyones trust and making people think I'm okay.
I'm not okay.
I'm going to be brave with you.
And get the help I need.
Because I almost stopped with my wrists
And started in on my throat.
I'm sorry.
I made such a mess.
I'm so scared.
I can't even be poetic anymore, this is so old.
When will I get better?
When will I learn

I'm a hazard to myself.

My dad is a psycho alcoholic.
My mom is a control freak who is stuck in her past.
My sister is a whiny prick who thinks she knows everything.
My life is a mess.

Today I tryed my best to look pretty, and I felt good.

Then I lost it.

Today I got lost in a book about love.

Today my ankle bled all over my blanket.

It was from my razor.

(But not from shaving.)

Today I cryed leaving my boyfriend's house because I

didn't want to come back home to this hell.

I'm slipping.

Some say it's just this age, things will get better, you don't

know stress, your problems are minimal.

That is what I hear.

So what happens now?

"Everyday I fight a war against the mirror, I can't take the person starin' back at me.
I'm a hazard to myself, Don't let me get me. I'm my own worst enemy,
Its bad when you annoy yourself. So irritating. Don't wanna be my friend no more.
I wanna be somebody else."